There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize