1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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