I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
