omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
