Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
