Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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