Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
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A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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