I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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