hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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