evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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