Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
