she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize