mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize