I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize