she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.