We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
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They took my balls.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting