haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.