I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.