First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.