look no pants
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once