I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer