giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing