I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.