The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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