you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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