I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
