the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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