I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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