Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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