Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
