Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
