Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
