Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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