i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
