when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
