What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.