We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.