So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.