He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...