Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.