No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.