I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew