Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.