Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.