he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick