Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?