Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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