i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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