My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The adults are the big ones right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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