Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
