Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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