The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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