What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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