ya dads aren't the best wingmen
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
