the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
