Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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