so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize