shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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