Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
there is another microwave in the elevator.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
