You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
