I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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