Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
