Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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