A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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