Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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