Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
