so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
